What makes a heart tender?

I have a very tender hearted little girl. It seems that having spent every night for the past three years, four months and 15 days with me with the exception of four nights due to a business trip, she would not be so worried that I was going away and not coming back.

She knows in her head that I will be at her school to pick her up no later than 6:10pm. She asks me every morning "What time are you going to pick me up?" or "You're going to pick me up at ten minutes after six?" I tell her yes. Still every night when I arrive to pick her up she is either sitting behind the sign in desk with the day care owner or assistant or she is in tears sitting with the other kids waiting for their parents to get there. Tonight she was in tears (still trying to hold it together) sitting with the other kids. When she saw me, she lost it. She came running to me arms stretched up for me to pick her up, her mouth wide open and tears streaming down her face. It was like she was so relieved I was there she had to let it out. It's as if her head knows I will be there for her but her heart doesn't believe. I don't know how to help her get over this fear.

Some people say I need to take a tough love approach with her and start leaving her with sitters, forcing her to stay away so she will learn that I will come back. That is not a wise option for adopted children. They have a history which consists of a birth mother who decided to make an adoption plan for them. In the heart of a little baby that translates the birth mother didn't want her or love her. She was placed in an orphanage where she spent the next twelve months. She started to feel comfortable with the nannies who took care of her. One day she was dressed and taken to an apartment full of people. There were babies crying and people talking, flashs flashing and pour chaos. She was handed over to a woman who she had never seen before. The nannies who took care of her and with whom she was familiar with just disappeared. She would never see them again. It's no wonder she is afraid I will leave her whenever we attempt something new.

When we go to the beach or the lake I am not permitted to get into the water or to even put my feet in. I told her "I understand that YOU don't want to get into the water but why do you not want me to get in the water?" Her response was "Because you will float away from me forever." I don't know what I can do to convince her that I am not going to forget to pick her up from day care or that I won't float away in the ocean or lake. It breaks my heart to know that she has this deep fear and worry that she will lose me in some mysterious way.

We are planning a Homeland tour for the summer of 2009. She will be 6 years old then. We are hoping to be able to visit her orphanage and see the nannies that took care of her. What she doesn't remember is that we went back to the orphanage 5 days after we became a family. Several nannies were openly crying when we left. They loved her very much. I am hoping that in some way this might give her closure to some of the fears she has buried deep in her heart. I am hoping that the nannies who cared for her while she was there will still be working there. If they have moved on to other jobs, I hope they can come back to see how happy she is. Most of all, I hope she can come to understand that they did not leave her, they let her go allowing her to move on to a normal life with a family who loves her more than life itself.